Editors Only

Classic and Contemporary

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 14:51:03 -0400

Two books that equal a complete guide to better copy.

By Peter P. Jacobi

Let this serve as a re-introduction to a classic and an invitation to become familiar with a flamboyant, worthy-of-your-attention contemporaneous response.

The classic: The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White (4th edition, Longman).

The response: Spunk & Bite, A Writer's Guide to Bold, Contemporary Style, by Arthur Plotnik (Random House).

A Complete Guide

Separately, each provides a multitude of useful hints to make you stronger, as writers and editors. Together, they're as complete a guide to better copy as you're likely to find. And, in totality, they're really not contradictory, despite Plotnik's stance that Elements is "geriatric." He may argue with one or another of the rules that dominate Strunk and White's short and informative handbook, but he also validates them by using his predecessors' wisdoms as a springboard for his own musings. He simply begs for the addition of "ambience" in the use of language, as supplement to "correctness," which he judges is the principal lesson imparted in Elements.

Rhetoric

Plotnik also points out that Strunk, White's English teacher at Cornell, determined that "the best writers sometimes disregard the rules of rhetoric. When they do so, however," he continued, "the readers will usually find in the sentence some compensating merit, attained at the cost of the violation." And White would later admit, this years after he added his thoughts to the Strunk original (a compressive text that he used to hand out to his students): "I felt uneasy at posing as an expert on rhetoric, when the truth is I write by ear, always with difficulty and seldom with any exact notion of what is taking place under the hood."

Read the Classic Again

You would do yourself good as writer or editor by reading or re-reading The Elements of Style. You will remind yourself to "omit needless words;" to aim for "definite, specific, concrete language;" to "avoid a succession of loose sentences;" to "choose a suitable design and hold to it;" to "write in a way that comes naturally;" to "write with nouns and verbs;" to not "explain too much;" to "make sure the reader knows who is speaking;" to "be clear," and to "not take shortcuts at the cost of clarity."

By sifting through the pages, you will come upon this passage, as part of White's summation: "Style takes its final shape more from attitudes of mind than from principles of composition, for, as an elderly practitioner once remarked, 'Writing is an act of faith, not a trick of grammar.'

This moral observation would have no place in a rule book were it not that style is the writer, and therefore what you are, rather than what you know, will at last determine your style. If you write, you must believe -- in the truth and worth of the scrawl, in the ability of the reader to receive and decode the message. No one can write decently who is distrustful of the reader's intelligence, or whose attitude is patronizing."

Locution, Freshness, Diction

Plotnik's emphasis is on "locution" ("a particular mode of speech -- the use of a word, the turning of a phrase in some stylistic manner"). It is on "freshness" ("Readers love surprise. They love it when a sentence heads one way and jerks another. They love the boing of a jack-in-the-box word. They adore images that trot by like a unicorn in pajamas."). He addresses diction (for writers "always purposeful, always a costume donned for one effect or another"). He spends a chapter on the thesaurus, how to find a good one, how to use it (and not use it).

Attribution gets a chapter, too, focused sharply on attribution and the verb "said." Plotnik counsels flexibility: yes, "said" is probably the most useful way to attach a quote or piece of dialogue to its speaker, but he is accepting of other verbs, depending on situation and appropriateness.

Leads and Closings

He gets around to leads ("'I promise that something will stimulate you if you continue reading.' Do your opening sentences make that promise? Do they wow to scratch the reader's eternal itch for sensation?"). And to closings, too, he gets (he urges a "three-point landing").

Punctuation and Grammar

Like Strunk and White, Plotnik deals with matters of punctuation and grammar: hyphens, semicolons, sentence fragments, and the shape of sentences ("Like the protagonist of a moral tale, a sentence sets out in earnest pursuit of truth and beauty. But soon it finds itself set upon by corruptive elements, which must be vanquished before the glorious end punctuation is attained.").

Two Books That Complement Each Other

Plotnik strays occasionally into the hyperbolic, but Spunk & Bite in execution matches the book's title. It complements The Elements of Style, even when in contradiction. I'd therefore recommend the combination for acquaintance and re-acquaintance.

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader for various institutions and corporations. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

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A Lesson from Nonfiction Writers

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 13:51:14 -0400

Many lessons to learn from the pages of The Writer's Notebook.

By Peter P. Jacobi

Some sections of The Writer's Notebook, Craft Essays from Tin House (Tin House Books), focus exclusively on issues of fiction, which we're not in the business of. However, this collection of essays, based on craft seminars offered by those who publish the journal Tin House, is packed with nuggets worth the attention of nonfiction writers, too.

Let me share a few as a way of inducing you to look more deeply into the book's content.

Read It Aloud

Rick Bass, a Montana writer with a passion for environmentalism, has contributed "When To Keep It Simple." He discusses how to extricate oneself from the "too wrapped up in a lofty thought" situation: "Say it straight; literally. I'll try to speak the thought out loud, as if in conversation -- unaided by the treachery and guile of words on paper and speaking it as if in explanation, as when someone asks what it is you're working on, and you use plain language to tell them the synopsis rather than using high-octane dream lyrics."

How often have I preached the "read it aloud" path toward clarity and flow? Bass builds an entire essay on that potent piece of advice.

Keep It Authentic

Dorothy Allison, a Northern California-based novelist, feminist, and professor, focuses on "Place;" that's the title of her piece. She pleads for knowing detail, pointing to self experience as the means for the gathering and using of such. "I grew up among truck drivers and waitresses," she says.

Therefore: "I can give you detail. I can describe for you the tile they use in most truck stops because truckers have a horrible tendency to puke after having drunk great quantities of beer on top of chili. I know the colors of those tiles. I know, in fact, why 7-Elevens are designed the way they are. I've worked there ... Those places are real places for me. You probably read my stories to learn more about diners. And waitresses. And truck drivers. And I read to learn about the Jews in Brooklyn, the fishermen of Maine, and the combine drivers in Iowa."

Allison is encouraging authenticity, another issue I've addressed over the years. She asks us as writers to know and understand what we're writing about by using our own background or, short of that, doing careful fact finding, all to offer our readers meaningful detail.

Jim Shepard ties in to the above thought. He's a novelist and short story writer who teaches at Williams College. In his essay, "Generating Fiction from History and/or Fact," Shepard says: "The writers I admire take the world personally. It isn't true that only people who live in South LA can write about South LA: people who care enough to learn a bout South LA can write about South LA. If you can convince me of the reality of something, you have gained an authority."

Non-fictional Dream

Anna Keesey, a short story writer headquartered in Oregon, writes about "Making a Scene." She refers to John Gardner's classic text, The Art of Fiction, and his efforts to create the "fictional dream." It's "a kind of trance," she explains, "in which people read and they forget they're reading and they see the thing in front of them as though it's actually happening. They drop through the letters on the page into the imagined world and they respond to that world emotionally as if its events are actually happening."

That goal applies for nonfiction writers, too. We don't aim to get the reader into an "imagined" world, but if we can get the reader to "drop through the letters on the page" into the actual world we're trying to re-create, then we've done our job. It's a goal devoutly to be striven for.

Effective Writing

Margot Livesey, an author of fiction who serves as writer in residence at Emerson College, adds "Shakespeare for Writers" to the Tin House collection. She supplies sixteen useful lessons, among them, the following:

--"Begin dramatically."
--"Don't keep back the good stuff."
--"Consider beginning in the present."
--"Remember the power of appropriate omission. We don't need to take every journey with the characters, make every cup of coffee."
--"Don't over explain."
--"Be aware that form and tone govern content."
--"Be ambitious with your language."

Livesey expands on the above and others on her list, and -- in total -- they make for a mini-course in effective writing. But then, the entirety of The Writer's Notebook holds value. Don't be frightened off by the preponderance of fiction writers. There's much you can learn from these pages.

Revising Your Work

Take as a final example what memoirist and short story writer Chris Offutt covers in "Performing Surgery without Anesthesia." He deals with revising your copy and how to go about handling the completion of one's first draft, with which often comes the feeling of having "written something of absolute brilliance." As he puts it: "I love that feeling. It lasts until the next morning, when I look at the work again and realize it's a piece of crap." At that point, he explains, distancing becomes critical, brought on by the needed passage of time and the
re-emergence of objectivity about one's work.

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader for various institutions and corporations. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

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Art and Science

Mon, 24 May 2010 14:42:57 -0400

Supply both and the reader will likely have rewards.

By Peter P. Jacobi

I'm in the mood for a summary.

If you want your writing to take wing or if you -- as editor -- want the written material that goes into your publication to do so, understand that you must consider the art of writing, the science of writing, and the results that your readers are likely to expect from your efforts.

Art has to do with the imagination and how you employ it; science with craft. Tend to these carefully and energetically, and you will compel, or at least promote, reader reaction.

The Art

There are nine artistic needs for flight.

One -- Be Willing to Soar

The compulsion must exist within your mental muscle, your emotional sinew to not only imagine possibilities but then to realize them.

Two -- Let Yourself Go

Love the sense of freedom that comes from release of your imagination. Let yourself go. The best writers do that. With them, the reader is never quite sure what's next. That's not unsettling.

It's titillating or delectable or goose bump raising or chuckle inducing.

Three -- Yearn for Adventure

Natalie Goldberg in her book, Writing Down the Bones, says: "Writers live twice. They go along with their regular life ... But there's another part of them that they have been training, the one that lives everything a second time. In a rainstorm, everyone quickly runs down the street with umbrellas, raincoats, newspapers over their heads. Writers go back outside in the rain with a notebook in front of them and pen in hand. They look at the puddles, watch them fill, watch the rain splash in them. You can say a writer practices being dumb. Only a dummy would stand out in the rain and watch a puddle ... It's your interest in living life again in your writing."

Four -- Have Courage

That means a willingness on your part to gamble, a willingness to give, a willingness to be generous. Annie Dillard says: "One of the few things I know about writing is this. Spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time."

Five -- Map It

Know why you're writing and where you're heading. Have a map in your head; then, take the reader to your chosen destination. Show what the map indicates. "This is the great moment," insisted the legendary travel writer Freya Stark, "when you see, however distant, the goal of your wandering. The thing which has been living in your imagination suddenly becomes a part of the tangible world."

Six -- Have a Vision

Have vision, and be willing to share it.

Seven -- Use the Senses

Work at your words and message so that the reader -- through your piece of writing -- gains the ability to see, to hear, to smell, to touch, to taste. Be acutely sensual in your copy.

Eight -- Give Meaning to your Subject

Develop and use a ranging and open mind, this to give meaning to your subject through the right words, the right composition, the right logic.

Nine -- Have Passion

"Be still when you have nothing to say," preached D.H. Lawrence. "When genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot."

The Science

Next, combine the artistic demands with science, in the form of "My Magnificent Seven," seven elements essential for your piece of writing to be successful.

One -- the Lead

Provide an invitation to your reader, an introduction, an overture, a prelude. The opening, beginning, lead is the essential tease, an amalgam of idea, information, method, language, and design that causes the reader to decide, "This is for me. I must go on."

Two -- the Thesis

Follow the lead with a thesis, a succinct passage that tells the reader what the piece of writing is about. This is your pre-planned response to a predictable reader reaction: "You've got my attention. Now, let me in on what, more precisely, you're going to be telling or showing me or doing to me if I go on reading. What's ahead?"

Three --the Purpose

That's purpose, the why for your piece of writing. By disclosing purpose, you're striving to be more specific about what points you're going to make, about what you'll offer in the form of carefully selected substance to support your project. Here, you provide a more extended explanation, beyond thesis, of why the reader should spend time on your work, of what he or she will get out of the reading.

Four -- the Direction

A clear sense of direction because badly designed writing meanders or jumps around or turns jerky, bumpy, seemingly wandering or tread-milling on a communications road ill defined. Call it sequencing. Call it flow. Just let your reader know at every point along the way where he or she is heading.

Five -- the Propulsion

Propulsion: your piece of writing should give the reader a sense of motion, the feel of going forward, of transport, of getting somewhere.

Six --the Climax

Supply climax, one or more. Build toward high points, peaks, capstones, pinnacles, summits, factual resolutions or inspirational culminations. There need to be rises in your copy, climbs in temperature, intensities intensified.

Seven-- the Remembrance

The pleasure of reading becomes more pleasurable if there is recall, if there is something that sticks in the reader's mind or that latches on to the heart. Give the reader something to remember and/or use.

Supply art and science, and if all goes well, there will be results. The reader will likely have rewards:

1. Expectation realized
2. Surprise engendered
3. The benefit of your honesty
4. Your voice to savor
5. New worlds discovered
6. Relevance revealed, and
7. Entertainment.

About that last result, author Michael Chabon explains: "The original sense of the word 'entertainment' is a lovely one of mutual support through intertwining, like a pair of trees grown together, interwoven, each sustaining and bearing up the other. It suggests a kind of midair transfer of strength, contact across a void, like the tangling of cable and steel between two lonely bridgeheads. I can't think of a better approximation of the relation between reader and writer."

There's my summary. You do the filling out.

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader for various institutions and corporations. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

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The Fog Index

Mon, 24 May 2010 13:51:19 -0400

Assessing the readability of a Signature magazine article.

This month, we assess the readability of an article in the May/June 2010 issue of Signature magazine ("Does Your Media Kit Earn Rave Reviews?" by Carrie Hartin):

"An engaging sales kit is an extension of the sales presentation, helping your sales team show that story, by illustrating the crucial characteristics of your members -- not just regurgitating statistics churned out of your member survey. Tell the prospect, for example, what the readership's engagement with advertisers has been in the past and what their purchasing budgets generally look like. Follow that up with explanation of how members use your communication vehicles, and you've created a powerful selling story that you can illustrate with thumbnail examples of content-driven pages or screenshots."

--Word count: 92
--Average sentence length: 31 (37, 24, 31)
--Words with 3+ syllables: 21 percent (18/92 words)
--Fog Index: (31+21) x .4 = 20 (no rounding)

The Fog score of this sample is quite high. In this case, both the average sentence length and percentage of words with 3+ syllables are rather high. This is a tough sample to edit, as it contains longer terms specific to the subject at hand.

Let's see what we can do to improve the Fog score:

"A winning sales kit is an extension of the sales presentation. It helps your sales team by showing key member characteristics -- not just pulling numbers from member surveys. Tell the prospect, for instance, the readership's past engagement with advertisers. Show what their normal purchasing budgets look like. Then explain how members use your communication vehicles. Now, you've created a strong selling story that you can illustrate with thumbnails of content-driven pages or screenshots."

Here are the statistics for the revised sample:

--Word count: 74
--Average sentence length: 12 (11, 18, 11, 8, 8, 18)
--Words with 3+ syllables: 14 percent (10/74 words)
--Fog Index: (12+14) x .4 =10 (no rounding)

First, we needed to split up some of the longer sentences to reduce the average sentence length of 31 words. Three sentences became six and, with some tightening up of the syntax and trimming of words, we were able to reduce this average by more than half to 12 words.

Perhaps most challenging, we needed to reduce the number of longer words, a factor that contributed heavily to the original Fog score of 20. This can be difficult in business-to-business copy, but the effort paid off -- we were able to reduce the percentage of 3+-syllable words from 21 to 14 (a reduction of one-third).

Overall, these edits cut the Fog score in half (from 20 to 10).

Add your comment.

Comments:

"With a little bit of editing, the paragraph can be further improved:

'A winning sales kit is a key part of the sales presentation. It shows vital member characteristics, rather than simply pulling numbers from surveys. Show the prospect, for instance, the readership's past engagement with advertisers. Present their purchasing budgets. Then explain how members use your communication vehicles. Now, you've created a strong selling story that you can illustrate with thumbnails of content-driven pages or screenshots.'

Here's the Fog analysis:

Number of characters (without spaces): 372.00
Number of words: 66.00
Number of sentences: 6.00
Average number of characters per word: 5.64
Average number of syllables per word: 1.80
Average number of words per sentence: 11.00
Gunning Fog index: 8.64

Source:
http://www.online-utility.org/english/readability_test_and_improve.jsp"

--Don Tepper, Editor, PT in Motion (American Physical Therapy Association). 05-26-2010.

Thirteen Steps

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 13:26:43 -0400

A process for writing an article.

By Peter P. Jacobi

Consider a thirteen-step process of writing from project initiation to completion. Ask yourself what follows. The process works.

1. Idea

Have you carefully thought about and studied who is in your audience and hit upon an idea suitable for that audience, an idea focused on the wants and/or needs of individuals who depend on your publication?

2. Research

Have you gathered all the necessary information by employing every possible usable reportorial technique: researching (where the best sources are available), interviewing (those with the facts and understanding of the topic under investigation), observing (major and minor players in action), and participating (if that's appropriate and doable)?

3. Listen

Have you listened carefully to your interviewees so to get their best factual and intellectual contributions? As Rachel Carson advised: "The discipline of the writer is to learn to be still and listen to what his subject has to tell him."

4. Design

Have you designed a structure, an architecture that works, an order that facilitates informational and topical logic and that eases the flow of your writing?

5. Lead

Have you created a lead that gets your story underway: that, all in a single piece of copy, establishes the subject, sets the tone, attracts attention, and bridges the reader comfortably into what follows?

6. Thesis

Have you developed a thesis, a golden nugget of introductory material that summarizes the content and that, early on, lets the reader know more precisely than a lead alone can what the rest of your story is all about?

7. Material

Have you chosen the material that gives a reader the impression of completeness, that provides answers to questions he or she is likely to ask, that supplies the essential elements of information and thought to satisfy curiosity or need, and Have you done all that as neatly and efficiently as possible? George Bernard Shaw said: "My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost brevity."

8. Language

Have you used language that reveals your excitement about the subject, your belief in its importance, validity, and potential to enthuse or in some other way stimulate the reader? Bernard Malamud urged, "Write your heart out."

9. Style

Have you released your personality in the way you have written, in the manner you have used language, making sure to regard style, voice, not as embroidery or the verbal equivalent of makeup but as your honest, uninhibited, and yet right-for-the-subject approach to discourse? Martin Amis defined style as "everything and nothing. It is not that, as is commonly supposed, you get your content and soup it up; style is absolutely embedded in the way you perceive."

10. Show

Have you employed narrative and descriptive techniques to bring readers closer to person, situation, or scene, remembering that to show tends to be a more successful method to win them over than to tell?

11. Conclude

Have you brought your copy to a reasonable and satisfying conclusion, of a sort that is likely to cause the reader to emotionally palpitate or mentally understand or both?

12. Read Aloud

Have you read the copy aloud to assure that what you've written makes sense, that -- if appropriate -- it offers the informality of conversation, that factually it holds together, and that -- again, if appropriate -- it makes your reader comfortable? "I talk out the lines as I write," Tennessee Williams professed.

13. Wait and Edit

Have you, if your schedule permits (and try to make sure it does), waited a day or so after writing your story before returning to it for a final edit? The passage of time distances you from what you did previously and refreshes acumen, allowing you to look more clearly at what you previously did and, thereby, to better make changes you come to deem either necessary or as improvements.

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader for various institutions and corporations. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

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Think and Plan

Wed, 31 Mar 2010 15:18:39 -0400

To do it right, first think and plan.

By Peter P. Jacobi

Think before you write. Let your mind roam, so as to gather opportunities and possible extensions for your initial story idea.

Plan before you write. Consider how far you can take a subject without straining or distorting the original purpose. Determine what angles you can introduce to give the reader a broader or deeper or more multi-faceted view.

By thinking and planning first, you can enlarge and enrich a topic while still sticking to a point, without straying.

These matters came to mind as I waited for my doctor to catch up in his schedule and to see me per an appointment. To pass the time, I had picked up a copy of Road & Track magazine. Though I have no particular interest in cars, save for the always-present hope that mine will work rather than cause me grief, I do retain an interest in Road & Track. Some years ago, I paid a series of visits to its southern California headquarters to hold workshops with the magazine's editorial staff.

During those years, and even after, I used to get the publication through the mail, this so I could critique it. That subscription ran out a while ago. Staffers changed. Now, even the editor I worked with, Thomas Bryant, has become editor emeritus.

But there in the issue I was perusing was a byline I recognized, that of Peter Egan who had been part of the editorial team during my visits. He's a columnist now. And so, my curiosity aroused, I began to read his contribution for the month.

Set the Scene First

Peter uses "a working trip to California" as his starting point. "I was behind the wheel of a new ZR1 Corvette," he writes, "parked on a winding road north of Santa Barbara, waiting to move the car into position so our photo staff could shoot a cover shot for our March issue."

He sets the scene: "The road curved downhill toward a Capuchin monastery, scenically perched on a ridge. We'd rented this private road from the monastery so we could shoot photos without highway traffic speeding by."

Describe

The scene and situation are developed. He writes of passersby. He turns to description: "It was a beautiful spot, with the sun going down and a full moon rising over the Coastal Range, and we sat for perhaps half an hour, waiting for that magical moment of dusk when cars photograph best. Photographers, like vampires and werewolves, don't really come alive until it's that time of evening when you should really be looking for the nearest inn. To normal people, this hour is also known as 'dinnertime.'"

Reflect

The column becomes reflective. "We like to mend our souls on placid mountaintops or in the clean white deserts," he states, "and then test them later in a more industrial setting." His thinking is "eroded by something on the Corvette's radio." Half listening, he chances upon a panel discussion "with congressional leaders, economists and various pundits discussing the pros and cons of a Detroit automotive bailout." The half listening changes into full-bodied.

Summarize

Peter then summarizes the arguments: some say "we should throw money at the problem to stave off a general meltdown of the U.S. economy and to prevent massive unemployment;" others counter that "the car companies deserved to go broke because they'd failed to anticipate the sudden rejection of SUVs and trucks by the motoring public;" still others "thought this would be a great time to force the automakers into bankruptcy and break the unions forever." One commentator notes "Bankruptcy would just be 'Darwinian economics.'"

"Poor Darwin," continues Peter Egan. "The cold of heart have always forced a sociological spin on his biological work -- from Spencer all the way through Hitler and Stalin -- as if humans had no more free will or moral stature than trilobites or the lizards of the Galapagos Islands. Natural selection is a great excuse to ignore those who have not so richly deserved to succeed as you or I. And I'm not so sure about you."

The column has progressed from car test to spiritual reflection, from an overheard radio talk show about the economy to Darwin. It goes on to recapitulate the sins and perceived sins of auto chieftains. The "gathered politicians were very hard on the CEOs -- beat them up, really ... And perhaps they did have much to answer for."

But why, Peter wonders, was there "very little self-examination" when, perhaps, the problems could "be traced back to simple banking rules that Congress had failed to regulate? Hadn't the real trouble started not with car companies, but with banks making ridiculously risky real estate loans and then packaging them as 'commodities' and selling them on the world market.?"

Use Your Creativity

See how an assignment has, through a ranging, creative mind, become an auto industry-focused discussion of the economic crisis, surely as appropriate for Peter Egan's readers as the car test that had sent him out to California. He retraces the bailouts, the government's decision to "throw hundreds of billions at the banking and insurance industries to cover their mistakes, no questions asked." He ponders why the banking CEOs and "Wall Street geniuses who had brought this country to its knees," why "were they not sitting in the hot seat at a congressional hearing, being pilloried. Why had no arrests been made?"

His adrenaline "running high," he turns off the radio to restore his equilibrium and looks around the interior of his Corvette. "Wonderful car, this Corvette," he judges. "One of the best I've ever driven. Fast and remarkably refined, a distillation of years and years of research, engineering know-how and just plain hard work by people who really are highly trained and take their jobs seriously."

Peter is back on the job of analyzing cars. Looking around and feeling details, he falls in love again: "Beautifully stitched leather, nicely formed metal and several large trim sections of glossy carbon fiber ... Somewhere -- maybe in Detroit or elsewhere in the Midwest -- was a division of Chevrolet or an outside supplier where these sections of carbon fiber were produced. Somewhere there was a real shop where people got up in the morning, came to work and made these pieces. They knew how to mix and cure the chemicals, how to lay the fiber mats and how to form, trim and polish these parts. They knew how to make stuff."

Personal Details

Is it possible, he contemplates, that these people are "going to lose their jobs to the dazzling mixture of greed and incompetence displayed by our captains of finance?"

Writing his column at home in Rock County, Wisconsin, Peter Egan mentions the Janesville GM plant about 25 miles from his house that "closed this past December." The economic spinoff of that action "has been quite sobering to see. People need to move, but they can't sell their houses.

Restaurants are in a slump, shops of all kinds are closing. The car lots are quiet white deserts of snow. Our local paper had a front-page story today about all the churches in the area that are holding special masses and services to pray for the unemployed, and to organize relief."

He tells of a family in which both parents recently lost their jobs. "Should these people be bailed out," asks Peter. He winds up with more about shutdowns and the bailouts and a request that the politicians "stop talking about Darwin. It draws unwanted attention to their own sociological and biological fitness."

Creative Mental Travel

Peter Egan's column is titled "The Retreat of People Who Make Things." It reflects love and respect and anger and sadness, each feeling aimed in the proper direction, and all combined to sum up a troubling current reality. A car test set the column off. Mental travel completed it.

Don't be afraid to travel in your writing, but to do it right, first think and plan.

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader for various institutions and corporations. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

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The Fog Index

Wed, 31 Mar 2010 15:08:20 -0400

Assessing the readability of a Forbes.com excerpt.

This month, we assess the readability of a February 11, 2010, Forbes.com excerpt ("Are the Feds Cracking Down on Online Poker?" by Nathan Vardi):

"All of that is at risk now, as well as possibly the entire U.S. online poker industry, where 2.5 million Americans play and bet $30 billion annually. A 2006 law, set to go into full effect in June, expanded the Justice Department's authority to shut down online gambling operations by going after the companies that process their financial transactions. The feds have already stopped some financial firms from being part of the business, using some old antigambling and bank fraud laws on the books. The public comments of federal law enforcement officials suggest that they view firms like DoylesRoom as just plain illegal."

-- Word count: 103
-- Average sentence length: 26 (27, 32, 25, 19 words)
-- Words with 3+ syllables: 16 percent
-- Fog Index: (26+16) x .4 = 16 (no rounding)

As you probably remember, the ideal Fog score is less than 12. This passage contains a high percentage of long words (3+ syllables), even after omitting capitalized words and words with "-es" and "-ed" endings. The average sentence length, 26 words, is also quite high. We might simplify the passage by trimming longer sentences and substituting some of the longer words, perhaps like this:

"The U.S online poker industry, where 2.5 million bet $30 billion each year, is now at risk. A 2006 law taking effect in June expands the Justice Department's power to go after companies that process online gambling transactions. The feds have already used old gambling and bank fraud laws to edge some financial firms out of the business. The public comments of federal officials suggest that they view firms like DoylesRoom as illegal."

Here are the statistics for the revised sample:

-- Word count: 73
-- Average sentence length: 18 (17, 21, 20, 15 words)
-- Words with 3+ syllables: 11 percent
-- Fog Index: (18+11) x .4 = 11 (no rounding)

The most drastic reduction was in the average sentence length after cutting 30 words from the sample; however, we were also able to reduce the percentage of long words from 16 percent to 10 percent. These revisions resulted in a shift in Fog score from 16 to 11, an improvement by nearly one-third.

Add your comment.

Who Writes Your Articles?

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 14:29:01 -0500

Freelancers or In-House Staff?

By Denise Gable

Editors weigh in on how often (if ever) they use outside authors or unsolicited material. They also share their advice on finding and keeping that "valuable" writer. Please add your comments at the end of this article regarding your situation and advice to fellow editors.

Official Board Markets, The Paperboard Packaging Group
Frequency: Weekly
Description: For the better part of the past century, Official Board Markets has been the most respected publication serving the North American board industry. Started by the integrated paper companies, the "Yellow Sheet" has been the pricing standard for both linerboard and various types of paper stock.

Mark Arzoumanian, editor-in-chief, "The staff consists of me and my managing editor, so OBM receives and picks up many items (about the industry) over the transom and through emailed news items. Breaking it down I would say 80 percent over the transom, 10 percent commissioned, and 10 percent written in-house.

"I do receive some over the transom submissions without prompting. The vast majority of those I reject as they aren't of any interest to my readers. My commissioned articles are only from people I know well who write columns for me -- I don't need to solicit articles. All of my writers are regular contributors. In these tough economic times I don't need any new contributors. Editorial space is too limited.

"My only advice for my fellow editors about recruiting authors would be: to read what the author has already written; gauge his/her expertise; and sit down with him/her and discuss possible topics for future articles. Finally, ask yourself one very basic question: Can I work with this person on a month-on, month-out basis?"

Top Crop Manager, Annex Publishing & Printing, Inc.
Frequency: Western Edition, 8 issues/year; Eastern Division, 7 issues/year; Potatoes in Canada, annually
Description: "Canada's magazine of crop production and technology" is specifically designed to help top crop producers whose goal is long-term sustainability. Editorial content focuses on information which guides growers in such areas as weed, insect and disease management, tillage, seeding and planting, fertility, machinery and new technology.

Ralph Pearce, editor, "We have one field editor on staff, another under contract, and six freelance writers. Almost all of our articles are commissioned. Since our publications (Top Crop Manager, Potatoes in Canada, and Drainage Contractor) are specialty/trade publications, ours is a very specific audience. Therefore, we never publish an article on spec; it must always pass through my hands or that of our field editor in Western Canada. Stories are assigned and written, not accepted on spec.

"Each spring, I invite researchers, government extension personnel, various industry stakeholders (private sector companies) and ad agencies to contribute ideas or story suggestions for consideration (with no obligation). Most of the material is then assigned among our eight contract/freelance writers. I also gather story ideas from farm organization meetings, conferences and workshops, field days and outdoor demonstrations. My field editor in Western Canada does much the same. The remainder is written by researchers/extension personnel or provided by advertising agencies (in total, that represents less than 10 percent of our editorial material).

"Most of our writers are regular contributors. Almost nothing comes from new contributors. Our audience is looking for the latest in agronomy, advancements in seed and from the chemical industry, as well as the latest in farm equipment, trends and technology, markets and business management skills. New contributors rarely show the experience or even familiarity with the topics we cover, and I haven't the luxury of being a teacher. Our regular contributors are very reliable, extremely thorough and professional.

"My advice is to never worry about welcoming new styles and new voices to your lineup (provided they meet your quality/audience standards). You can add diversity without taking away anything from your mandate. I did that when I moved into the editor's chair -- no longer able to rely on myself for the bulk of the writing, I had to welcome a new field editor, as well as two new freelancers, all of whom were familiar with our goals and target audience, as well as our subject matter. Their arrival heralded a new era for our magazine, with three new voices/styles that we didn't have when I was doing almost all of the writing. It didn't dilute the message, it strengthened it."

Special Events Magazine, Penton Media
Frequency: Monthly
Description: Special Events Magazine is a resource for event professionals who design and produce special events (including social, corporate and public events) in hotels, resorts, banquet facilities and other venues.

Lisa Hurley, editor, "We use two freelancers on a regular basis -- both are former staff editors. All of our articles are commissioned. Submissions over the transom come regardless. Some people pitch stories, others just offer their services for future assignments. Recruitment of authors is never a problem for us. So many magazines have failed or cut staff that many good writers are on the hunt for work."

POWERGRID International and Electric Light & Power, PennWell Global Energy Group
Frequency: POWERGRID International, monthly; Electric Light & Power, bi-monthly
Description: POWERGRID International magazine provides information about the latest automation and control technologies used in electric power transmission and distribution. The magazine's mission is to serve as a tool for today's utilities, providing knowledge on technologies that improve reliability and power system operations. Since 1922, Electric Light & Power has been the authoritative source of electric industry business news for electric utility executives and management.

Kathleen Davis, senior editor, "We use outside authors but we do not employ them. Usually they are hired by vendors or utilities or work on the staff of those companies' communications department. Most industry magazines work this way. They write for free and, if we like it, we publish it. They get a certain academic standing and we get fodder for the magazine.

"Probably less than two percent of submissions are of the pure 'over the transom' variety. It's mostly a combination practice. I send out editorial calendars each year that say what we'll be covering a month and I'll get a few queries on that which will work along to abstracts which we will then essentially commission without paying for. Sometimes we get questions, notes, or releases that spark an idea that I'll follow up on as well. If there isn't a query coming in for a topic, I'll go to regular contacts from companies I use that I know are good writers in that area.

"Probably 10 percent of my writers contribute regularly. Most of the material, however, comes from new contributors although I often work with the same press/media/PR contacts. They just gather new authors.

"When you find an exceptional writer who can make deadlines, always keep their contact info handy. That's a true rarity in this business. I never have trouble digging up new authors. But, new authors that respect my deadlines are few and far between. I think a lot of editors are looking for writers who know the subject or are subject matter experts. I'm not. A good writer can learn the subject. My recruitment strategy is much more about organization than it is about writing skill."

Metropolis, Horace Havemeyer III
Frequency: Monthly
Description: Metropolis examines contemporary life through design -- architecture, interior design, product design, graphic design, crafts, planning, and preservation. Subjects range from the sprawling urban environment to intimate living spaces to small objects of everyday use.

Martin Pedersen, executive editor, "Our magazine employs outside authors, but due to the recent economic downturn, less than previously. We receive over the transom submissions without prompting. In ten years I have only bought one unsolicited manuscript. We use new writers but they usually come with previously published work and a strong story pitch.

"We have a stable of writers who've been writing for a magazine for a while. We generally work new or younger writers in either on the website or with shorter front of the book articles. Nearly all are regular contributors. We're an architecture and design magazine and we're always looking for new projects. The best way for writers to break into our magazine is to live in a somewhat exotic city (Tokyo, for instance) and send us interesting and beautiful new projects.

"Recruiting writers has become both easier and harder. If you pay respectable rates (even the low side of respectable), you will have no trouble finding good writers today. Because the combination of a bad economy for free lance writers, the closing of magazines, and the dirt cheap rates for internet writing, you can get really good writers for about a buck a word. This is not necessarily a good thing, since it devalues an endeavor we're all involved in. That's the easier part. The harder part is purely economic. There was a time when I could recruit 'name' writers to my fairly small magazine because I could devise fun projects for them to engage with. Writers will work for less money, even well known writers, if they're engaged with the subject matter. These kinds of games are harder to play now, with ad pages and edit pages down."

Denise Gable is managing editor of Editors Only.

Add your comment.

Comments:

"These are very helpful insights for freelancers looking for new markets." --Ruth E. Thaler-Carter, WriterRuth.com. 02-28-2010.

Did I Remember? A Writer's Checklist

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 15:46:38 -0500

Here are twelve questions to ask yourself and find appropriate answers or solutions to as you work your way through an assignment.

By Peter P. Jacobi

Have I:

--A clear sense of purpose as I dig into my story, a concept and a goal for my piece, a specific accomplishment that is meant to serve those I'm trying to reach.

--Just as clear a sense of direction for me to follow as I move along with a plan and its execution (do I know where I want to go and how, and will my reader be able to discern it?).

--Made as sure as possible that I am writing with sufficient and the best material, that the matter I have to work with is correct and will be convincing.

--Allowed my imagination to be released, so to make the most of my opportunity to entice the reader, and thereby make the reader's desire to accept what I write the equal of my desire to reach and satisfy that reader.

--Begun my story with what is most likely to encourage the reader to take the verbal journey I'm preparing, something that intrigues and also suits what is to follow.

--Built on the opening in substance, detail to detail, subtopic to subtopic, idea to idea, all into a logical structure with an architecture that's acceptable and attractive.

--Provided continuity, a sense of informational and environmental flow that makes for clarity and easy reading.

--Aimed for completeness, giving the reader a feel of such: that all his questions have been answered or that all her wants or needs have been taken care of.

--Used language in a provident versus prolix manner.

--Found the right words, those that say what I mean to say, that describe properly and excite sufficiently, that add a twist of lemon or a pinch of salt and pepper to my content.

--Edited my copy for accuracy, brevity, and clarity.

--Read my copy aloud and listened to it, this to make sure that everything on paper makes sense.

Know that by skipping any of the above, you should be prepared to accept failure.

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader for various institutions and corporations. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

Add your comment.

The Fog Index

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 13:51:47 -0500

Assessing the readability of an MSNBC.com excerpt.

This month, we assess the readability of an excerpt from the January 11, 2010, edition of MSNBC.com ("Apple May Wipe Slate Clean for New Tablet," by Jessica Mintz):

"But the mechanics of the human body may be stronger than Jobs' charisma. We tolerate devices like smart phones with their tiny screens and awkward keyboards because they're fine for what we need them for -- quick, on-the-go reading and messaging. As soon as the screen gets bigger, though, people tend to start wanting to do more with the device, such as typing longer missives, says Mark Rolston, chief creative officer for Frog Design, a firm that designed one of Apple's first computers. At that point, the limitations of small screens and the lack of a real keyboard could be intolerable, and people would move up a rung to a small laptop."

-- Word count: 112
-- Average sentence length: 28 (13, 28, 42, 29 words)
-- Words with 3+ syllables: 7 percent
-- Fog Index: (28+7) x .4 = 14 (no rounding)

The ideal Fog score is less than 12. This particular passage contains rather long sentences (13, 28, 42, and 29 words). Trimming or splitting them up would yield a score well within the ideal Fog range, as there is a fairly low percentage of long words. For instance, we might revise the passage in the following manner:

"But the mechanics of the human body may be stronger than Jobs' charisma. We accept devices like smart phones with their tiny screens and awkward keyboards. They're fine for what we need them for -- quick, on-the-go reading and messages. As soon as the screen gets bigger, though, people want to do more with the device, such as typing longer missives, says Mark Rolston, chief creative officer for Frog Design, a firm that designed one of Apple's first computers. At that point, the small screens and lack of a real keyboard might compel people to upgrade to a small laptop."

Here are the statistics for the revised sample:

-- Word count: 99
-- Average sentence length: 20 (13, 13, 13, 39, and 21 words)
-- Words with 3+ syllables: 4 percent
-- Fog Index: (20+4) x .4 = 9 (no rounding)

We have trimmed 13 words from the MSNBC version. Changing "tolerate" to "accept" and "messaging" to "messages" brings down our percentage of long words (reminder: "-es" noun endings do not count as a third syllable) to 4 percent. Our sentence length has decreased because have split the second sentence into two sentences.

Add your comment.

Comments:

"I'm not sure of the exact calculations, but using the calculator at http://simbon.madpage.com/Fog/fog.cgi, the original comes out to a Fog Index of 14.06.

The revised version above comes out to 10.00

Here's a version I came up with:

'But the mechanics of the human body may be stronger than Jobs' charisma. We accept devices like smart phones with their tiny screens and awkward keyboards. They're fine for what we use them for -- on-the-go reading and texting. When the screen gets bigger, though, people want to do more with the device, such as typing longer missives, says Mark Rolston. He's chief creative officer for Frog Design, a firm that designed one of Apple's first computers. The small screens and lack of a real keyboard might compel people to upgrade to a small laptop, he says.'

That clocks in at an even better 8.529." --Don Tepper, Editor, PT in Motion

Editor's Note: Fog scores may vary slightly depending upon the calculation tool used. We make our calculations by hand; however, there are online Fog calculators available. We suspect that the online instruments are not as sensitive to some of the Fog Index nuances (e.g., compound words and words with "-es" or "-ed" endings). Also, we do not round our final Fog score; therefore, although our edited sample weighed in at 9.6, it received a Fog score of 9.

Advice from a Master

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 13:31:01 -0500

How to write like Chekhov.

By Peter P. Jacobi

This month, I defer to Chekhov. He's not a bad choice for any of us to emulate.

On a previous occasion, I've passed along one of his wisdoms: "Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." It's the old show-versus-tell argument but stated with such clarity, like a combination of example and definition, all in one. He's not just telling us what to do but also showing us how to get it done.

Cut Unnecessary Details

Let's take another sampling from this master story teller and shaper of torn, yet recognizable, souls. "If, in the first chapter," he advises, "you say there is a gun hanging on the wall, you should make quite sure that it is going to be used further on in the story." Keep out extraneous material; that's what he's alerting us to do. We're not to burden our pieces with unnecessary details, with stuff that just gets in the way and ends up overwhelming (or underwhelming) the reader. We're to keep our eyes on the main event: getting our selected point across distinctly and succinctly.

Rethink Your Beginning and Ending

Here's one more recommendation from the sage Anton Chekhov: "My own experience is that once a story has been written, one has to cross out the beginning and the end. It is there that we authors do most of our lying ... One must ruthlessly suppress everything that is not concerned with the subject." Well, again, he's telling us to get rid of excess, but he's also suggesting that we rethink those two critical elements in our story, the lead and the conclusion. Have we really come up with the strongest, most enticing yet also honest opening, we should ask ourselves. What about that ending: is it the best summary? Is it the best way to help the reader remember what we've tried to say?

My focus on Chekhov results from reading a newly-issued book, How To Write Like Chekhov, Advice and Inspiration Straight from His Own Letters and Work (Da Capo Press), edited and introduced by a pair of scholars, Piero Brunello and Lena Lencek. Brunello is a professor of social history at the University of Venice. Lencek is professor of Russian and the humanities at Reed College in Portland, Oregon; she did double duty, serving also as translator.

The two editors have taken the letters of Chekhov that speak of his philosophy about writing and the methods he used to accomplish it. That's been done before, meaning it's not original but, because Chekhov has so much he can tell us, remains valuable. In addition, however, Brunello and Lencek have cast a spotlight on a particular work of the Russian genius, a nonfiction work, The Island of Sakhalin, written after Chekhov traveled to a Russian penal colony there. Chekhov, you may remember, was a trained doctor who then chose literature for his career.

The Sakhalin section reveals how Chekhov put it together, from the
pre-journey research, through the travel and the field research he did while on the island, to the writing and his admonition to self that he best write sooner than later while his "impressions are still fresh."

Write Like a Painter

He urges that a writer should emulate a painter. "If a landscape painter were to visit Sakhalin," he says, "I would recommend he make an excursion to Arkovo valley. In addition to its beautiful location, this spot is so unusually rich in color that it is hard to describe without resorting to that stale simile of the multicolored carpet or kaleidoscope. Consider the lush, verdant growth of giant burdocks glistening from the recent rain; beyond them, in a tiny plot no more than twenty-one feet wide, rye is turning green, and beyond that lies a patch of barley, and then burdocks again, and then another patch filled with oats, and then a row of potatoes and two stunted sunflowers with drooping heads, and then a wedge of rich green hemp, and, here and there, umbrella plants thrust their bracts proudly like the arms of candlelabra, and crimson patches of poppies. On the road, you pass peasant women wrapped in big burdock leaves to keep off the rain and looking like huge green beetles."

How much he tells us, employing simplicity of language. The description is spare, objective, and yet brimming with the sort of information that brings one close. So, the lessons in How To Write Like Chekhov come in the forms both of counsel and example.

Excellent Advice

Throughout this volume, one discovers gems first delivered to colleagues and friends and advice-seekers in letters:

"Brevity is the sister of talent."

"A strange thing has happened: I have developed a mania for brevity. No matter what I read -- my own or others' writing -- everything strikes me as too long."

"My job demands only one thing of me: to be talented, that is, to distinguish between relevant and irrelevant evidence; to illuminate characters, and to speak in their language."

"Before it reaches the page, every sentence must spend two days in the brain, lying perfectly still and putting on weight."

"One must never lie. Art has this great specification: it simply does not tolerate falsehood. One can lie in love, politics, and medicine; one can mislead the public or even God, but there is absolutely no lying in art."

"In your story, one can feel the place, smell the bagels."

"Commonplaces such as, 'The setting sun bathing in the waves of the darkening sea poured out a flood of crimson gold' and, 'The swallows skimming the surface of the water chirped joyously' -- such commonplaces should be eliminated. In describing nature, focus on minute details and group them in such a way that when the reader will have finished reading, he will be able to close his eyes and see a complete picture. You can produce the impression of a moonlit night, for example, by writing that the broken bottle glass twinkled like stars on the milldam..."

"The more emotionally charged a situation, the more emotional restraint one must use in writing, and then the result will be emotionally powerful. There is no need for laying it on thick."

Just go through the above statements again. Study them. They are self-explanatory. Reach your own conclusions. Learn from the lessons imparted. They alone constitute a short course on writing. But the book holds countless more points and, from start to finish, samples of Chekhov's brilliantly subdued and provocative style.

He writes a friend: "I think going barefoot must be better than wearing cheap boots. You cannot imagine my suffering! Now and then, I crawl out of my carriage, get down on the wet ground, and pull off my boots to give my heels a break. A rare pleasure in the freezing cold! I ended up buying felt boots in Ishim and wore them until they fell apart from the damp and the mud ... We set off ... Mud, rain, a piercing cold wind ... and felt boots on my feet. Do you know what felt boots are like when they are wet? Gelatin."

As editor or writer, the book is worth your time.

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader for various institutions and corporations. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

Add your comment.

The Fog Index

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:54:45 -0500

Assessing the readability of a Newsweek.com excerpt.

This month, we take a look at an article about college loans published on Newsweek.com ("College Students Hit by High-Interest Loans"; November 20, 2009). We calculate the Fog Index of this sample using a simple formula based on the total number of words, the number of three-plus-syllable words, and sentence length. Here is the sample:

"Consumer advocates see nothing wrong with schools that offer to help finance their students' educations. It's rates as much as 10 percent higher than federal student-loan rates that have them worried. Before the recession and credit crunch hit the student-loan market, it wasn't uncommon to see federally backed loans hovering around 3 percent or even lower. For qualified students, 8 percent bank loans are still common. Mark Kantrowitz, publisher of Finaid.org, says it's hard to estimate the average private student-loan rate, but he said most loans are in the low double figures. Eighteen percent, however is near predatory and driven by a pure profit motive, says Loonin."

There are 107 words in this sample, with an average sentence length of 18 words. The percentage of words three syllables or greater (omitting the exceptions listed in the March 2009 issue) is 13. Adding 18 and 13 gives us 31. Multiply 31 by 0.4 to arrive at a Fog Index of 12 (no rounding).

Given this number, we can conclude that the readability of this passage is good compared to past excerpts we have assessed. The ultimate goal for writers is a Fog Index of less than 12, so this sample suffers from only slight fog. Trimming the two longest sentences, which weighed in at 25 and 26 words, would result in a Fog score under 12.

Add your comment.

Editing Foreign Authors

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:24:38 -0400

Tips for applying your editorial skills to foreign writers.

By Linda Johnson

A Frenchman who says "It's Hebrew to me," or a German who says "It's Spanish to me," has no way of knowing that his use of the idiom is Greek to us. That's because his own sentence contains no actual grammatical error.

The different ways an idiom may be expressed in various foreign languages may have been of little concern to you in the past. However, now that most publications have online presences or digital editions, they are gaining more and more international readers. Cross-cultural and cross-language nuances are now gaining in pertinence for any editor. All this online activity will result not only in increased foreign readership, but also increased submissions from foreign authors.

When editing a foreign author, you may run into problems like this, which generally do not occur at all when a native English speaker writes. It takes a special kind of sensitivity to edit a non-native English writer correctly. Consider that, for your colleague to be attempting to write in English at all, he or she must be very well educated. Your colleague needs to be edited in a manner that reflects his sincerity, candor, and intelligence.

Editing Foreign Material

How do you edit material written by a foreign author? Should you preserve his or her "ambiance" -- even if that means the article will appear in less-than-polished English? We're not talking about grammar or punctuation errors here. I'm referring to writing that, while grammatically correct, still sounds foreign.

Some editors argue for leaving in the foreign flavor. It's quaint, or it's charming, they contend. But does such a practice really serve your reader? Is it presenting the information with the utmost clarity? Then there's the argument about the author. You know -- that he or she will be offended if you edit too heavily. Think about it. If you wrote an article in a foreign language, would you want to sound "cute" or "charming"? Indeed, most foreign writers would be grateful for the application of all your editorial skills to their work!

I've investigated some typical writing errors made in English by native speakers of other languages, and I'd like to share some tips on handling them.

Prepositions

Prepositions by their nature are so abstract that they just about never translate on a one-to-one basis. Just try to explain (let alone translate!) the preposition "up" in the following examples:

The runner-up is...
A follow-up on the article...
I wouldn't put up with that...
We put him up for the night...
The beggar hit me up for some money...
The mugger beat up his victim...

Idiomatic Expressions

Idioms, of course, are laws unto themselves. Though no actual error occurs, the speaker has somehow miscommunicated (like in our beginning example). Unfortunately, he has no empirical way of knowing this. If our French or German speaker looked in a dictionary for a translation of hebraique or Spanisch, he would find in the English section "Hebrew" or "Spanish," correspondingly. Nowhere would it read "Greek."

And before you argue that our writer should invest in a good dictionary of idioms, let me point out that the writer is probably already relying too much on a dictionary to do his work -- and trying more or less unsuccessfully to apply it to what little bit of classroom English he remembers! English is, for your writer, a foreign language. Merely decoding vocabulary is the very least of his problems!

Cognates

Cognates pose a problem similar to that of idioms. Speakers of any language may incorrectly assume that a word in their language has a cognate in English. For example, Maria Von Trapp related in her autobiography an anecdote from an American supermarket. She overheard a German-born woman, amazed at the price of produce, exclaim, "...for sixty cents less, I can become cauliflower around the corner!" In German, the verb bekommen means "to get."

Other Pitfalls

Of course, all kinds of grammatical problems that we take for granted will occur in the writing of a non-native speaker. A rule may exist in English for which there exists no corollary in the foreign language. For example, English nouns need to be treated as "countable" or "uncountable" to explain why we say "a chair," but not "a furniture." The distinction between "few" and "a few" is difficult (do you have "few" acquaintances in New York or "a few" acquaintances?). And confusion abounds in the present tenses (English has three): I speak English?, or Do I speak English?, or Am I speaking English? Finally, even as an editor, are you consciously aware that we do not use apostrophe "s" for the possessive form of an inanimate object (the cat's meow, but the picture frame)?

Likewise, the reverse situation may occur: the foreign writer may assume that rules in his language are consistent with those of English. He will want to use double negatives if they are permitted (or required) in his language. And a French speaker who says "it's me (c'est moi)" will not consider saying "it's I."

Generally, you can categorize types of writing errors by language family. The less the writer's native language has in common with English, obviously, the more remarkable the errors will be. Creative, sensitive editing will be required.

Romance Languages

Romance language writers tend to write in a style too complex or formal for English. This is because Latin, the basis of a Romance language, is the basis of formal English.

Examine this sentence:

"I find it often difficult to comprehend the people with whom I am speaking."

We need to correct an error of word order (position of "often"), a too-formal (but not incorrect) prepositional phrase, and non-idiomatic use of the present progressive tense (although there is no actual grammatical error). We choose more colloquial synonyms for "difficult," "comprehend," and "speaking." Native English speakers would prefer:

"It's often hard to understand the people I'm talking to."

Teutonic Languages

For native speakers of Teutonic languages (Germans, Dutch, and Scandinavians), questions of word order will arise. You will also find total confusion regarding prepositions, particularly if they are used in conjunction with the action of a verb ("get up," "give away," "come from," etc.). Here is an example:

"I am learning English the whole time since I am ten years old."

In this example, correct the tense sequence and the word order:

"I have been studying English constantly since I was ten years old."

Notice that here we found a more sophisticated synonym for "the whole time," and changed "learning" -- which connotes outside assistance (teacher, school) -- to "studying," which can be done alone.

Slavic Languages

Predictably, speakers of Slavic languages have even more difficulties with written English. Their language is not as closely related to ours as the Teutonic languages (of which English is one) or the Romance languages (because English has incorporated so many Latin words into its formal register). Slavic language speakers tend to omit the indefinite and definite articles.

Here's an example from a Soviet author commenting on a visit by Gorbachev to New York back in 1989:

"...watching TV, reading newspapers, it was hardly possible to find out: what is essence of Soviet leader's speech to UN? He didn't asked economic credits. Still speech was almost only purpose to take a 8-hours flight."

Make corrections and see if you get something like this:

"Whether watching TV or reading the newspapers, it was nearly impossible to determine the essence of the Soviet leader's speech to the UN. He didn't ask for any economic credits. All in all, the sole purpose for his taking an 8-hour flight was the speech."

Japanese

While the languages discussed above are all members of the Indo-European language group, Japanese is not. The structure of the Japanese language is totally different from that of English. English written by a native Japanese speaker is frequently characterized by convoluted superficial sentence structure. Consider this example:

"I was interest in foreign country when I was student. I was not good at English well. It was not benefited with me. Because I understood that learning English conversation is in need of positive and express myself."

A sensitive editor could try this:

"I have been very interested in foreign countries since my student days. But I was never very good at English. No amount of instruction seemed to help. But I realize that it is advantageous to know English, and I want to be able to speak English."

And So...

My advice to editors is this: go ahead and edit the foreign author's text. Keep it in the style of an educated native-English-speaking journalist. Don't correct just the spelling and the grammar. Determine what the author's message is, and restate it in good English. Correct the grammar and syntax and deliver the substance of the message unchanged.

Editors should use their skill with words to facilitate communication, to encourage dialogue and the exchange of ideas. Then they will be able to give exposure to both existing and emerging concepts, inventions, and ideas from cultures and countries we have ignored for too long.

Linda Johnson is a foreign language specialist based in Connecticut.

Add your comment.

Comments:

"Thanks for an outstanding article on sensitive editing of non-English authors, something I see regularly. Our authors are volunteers with impressive medical and research experience, and we want to help them distribute their information (and reap the benefits of publishing) without changing their meaning. Thanks for the great examples!"
--Bridget Struble, Program Director of Publications, American Society for Parenteral and Enteral Nutrition

--------------------

"Good job, but I'd like to add a few words. I had an experience editing English speaking writers who wrote in Russian. There are always two traps on that trek. First, to edit correctly you have to clearly understand what on Earth the author means. If you don't--and it is too often you don't--you are going to make a mistake of speaking instead of him, of putting your thoughts and ideas into his text. Not always you guess correctly. Watch that! Second, sometimes it is important to preserve and convey the stylistics of the original manuscript, the aura of a slight deviance, an accent. It is much more easier to re-write the whole text to make it grammatically sterile than to keep it slightly imperfect to stress it personality." --Sergey Panasenko, Moscow, RF

Lessons from Books

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 13:38:40 -0400

Some useful tricks from what the experts say and how they've mastered their craft.

By Peter P. Jacobi

It's been awhile since I focused on books. Permit me to do some catching up.

The Best American Magazine Writing

Each year, the American Society of Magazine Editors (ASME) publishes a volume devoted to The Best American Magazine Writing. It contains the winners and finalists of the society's annual awards. I'd like to use the 2007 edition as an example. And as per usual, it contains sterling examples, which you (as did I) can enjoy in the reading and from which you (as again did I) can glean lessons. The book is published by Columbia University Press.

Cynthia Leive, editor-in-chief of Glamour and president of ASME, writes in introduction to the nearly 500 pages that follow: "For my money, we have the Oscars beat, and the book you are holding in your hands is the reason why. Magazines produce some of the most lovely and lasting writing of our time; though it's true there's nothing better than a quick dip into a magazine when you're stuck on the cross-town bus in rush hour traffic, the best magazine pieces also stand the test of time, working their particular brand of magic years after their time on the newsstand is gone."

Marlene Kahan, ASME's hard working executive director and administrator of the awards, says the pieces in the anthology reflect "moral passion, vivid characters and settings, zealous reporting, and artful narrative that transforms information into a compelling story."

We may not always have the time or opportunity or the appropriate platform to do all that Leive and Kahan speak of (nor perhaps also the level of talent exhibited), but within our limits, it's critical we do the utmost, striving for the best within our reach. Reading the likes of the included articles can inspire, as well as instruct.

There's the lighter material, such as Vanessa Gregoriadis' rollicking portrait of "Karl Lagerfeld, Boy Prince of Fashion," prepared for The New Yorker. "What can one talk about while waiting for Lagerfeld?" she writes. "Lagerfeld, of course. 'Karl has the energy of...what? Twenty-five thousand Turkish elephants!' says socialite Anne Slater, wearing her big blue glasses and grinning up a storm. 'He's magnetic and powerful. I think he's absolutely, devastatingly attractive.'"

There's the serious coverage of news behind the news, such as William Langewiesche's "Rules of Engagement" for Vanity Fair, a reconstruction of events leading up to the massacre by U.S. Marines of Iraqi civilians. It begins so calmly with description: "The Euphrates is a peaceful river. It meanders silently through the desert province of Anbar like a ribbon of life, flanked by the greenery that grows along its banks, sustaining palm groves and farms, and a string of well-watered cities and towns. Fallujah, Ramadi, Hit, Haditha. These are among the places made famous by battle -- conservative, once quiet communities where American power has been checked, and where, despite all the narrow measures of military success, the Sunni insurgency continues to grow. On that short list, Haditha is the smallest and farthest upstream."

The scene is set for the tempest and terror to come. Langewiesche will not only detail the tragedy but use it as symbol for the larger picture of what he sees about the status of events in Iraq.

Esquire first published "The School" by C.J. Chivers, a harrowing account of the three day siege staged by Chechen terrorists of a school in the Russian town of Beslan. Take this moment, in an article comprised of such: "Karen Mdinaradze slipped in and out of consciousness. Once he awoke to see a woman over him, fanning him, another time to find children cleaning his wound with a cloth soaked in urine. He awoke again. A teenaged girl thrust an empty plastic bottle to him and asked him to urinate in it.

"'Turn your eyes away,' he said, and he pressed the bottle against himself and slowly peed. He finished and handed the bottle back. The girl and her friends thanked him and quickly poured drops to wash their faces. Then each sipped from the bottle, passing it among themselves, and returned it to him. Karen's dehydration was advanced; his throat burned. He poured a gulp of the warm liquid into his mouth and across his tongue, letting it pool around his epiglottis. The moisture alleviated some of the pain. He swallowed.

"He looked at the bottle. A bit remained. A very old woman in a scarf was gesturing to him, asking for her turn. He passed the bottle on."

Grim coverage of victims in despair: the details make the story hard to forget.

Before I leave the ASME collection, and I realize this column, as a whole, will turn out to be out of balance, with far more space allotted to the above than to the books that follow, but in that always-with-us question concerning the power of words versus that of pictures, here are thoughts from a commentary by Christopher Hitchens titled "The Vietnam Syndrome," written for Vanity Fair.

"To be writing these words," he says, "is, for me, to undergo the severest test of my core belief -- that sentences can be more powerful than pictures. A writer can hope to do what a photographer cannot: convey how things smelled and sounded as well as how things looked. I seriously doubt my ability to perform this task on this occasion. Unless you see the landscape of ecocide, or meet the eyes of its victims, you will quite simply have no idea. I am content, just for once...to be occupying the space between pictures."

The New Kings of Nonfiction

Ira Glass, the producer and host of the radio/television program "This American Life," has edited a volume called The New Kings of Nonfiction (Riverhead Books). It is a collection of writing he's saved across the years, pieces he couldn't bear "to throw away." Glass insists ours is an era of "great nonfiction writing." He speaks of the pleasure in reading some of this "great" writing, the "pleasure of discovery, the pleasure of trying to make sense of the world."

It is for each of us, of course, in our own way, to cause our readers to discover, to help them make sense of the world. The authors chosen by Glass surely make the effort. They include some bigwigs in the writing industry: Michael Lewis, Malcolm Gladwell, Susan Orlean, David Foster Wallace, Lee Sandlin, James McManus, among others.

There's Mark Bowden, too, whose contribution, "Tales of the Tyrant," first ran in The Atlantic in 2002. The piece is about Saddam Hussein and begins with this trenchant and sharply crafted paragraph: "The tyrant must steal sleep. He must vary the locations and times. He never sleeps in his palaces. He moves from secret bed to secret bed. Sleep and a fixed routine are among the few luxuries denied him. It is too dangerous to be predictable, and whenever he shuts his eyes, the nation drifts. His iron grip slackens. Plots congeal in the shadows. For those hours, he must trust someone, and nothing is more dangerous to the tyrant than trust."

The profile that follows is remarkable. But then, so are other selections in The New Kings of Nonfiction.

I mention James Wood's How Fiction Works (Farrar, Straus and Giroux) despite the fact that the author's focus is on fiction, which is not our game. But the author happens to be one of this era's most influential literary critics. Consequently, his book has received an inordinate amount of attention. It deserves yours.

Granted, there is discourse that seems a distance removed from what you and I must deal with. But this gentleman has a keenly analytical mind, and he's got a verbal manner that can startle a response out of you.

At one point, as he turns to the subject of metaphor, he states: "Metaphor is analogous to fiction because it floats a rival reality. It is the entire imagination process in one move. If I compare the slates on a roof to an armadillo's back, or -- as I did earlier -- the bald patch on the top of my head to a crop circle (or on very bad days, to the kind of flattened ring of grass that a helicopter's blades make when it lands in a field), I am asking you to do what Conrad said fiction should make you do -- see. I am asking you to imagine another dimension, to picture a likeness. Every metaphor or simile is a little explosion of fiction within the larger fiction of the novel or story." Metaphors, of course, are an imaginative touch just as usable in nonfiction as in fiction.

The Art of Column Writing

Finally, if you do the column writing thing, there's Suzette Martinez Standring's new book, The Art of Column Writing: Insider Secrets from Art Buchwald, Dave Barry, Arianna Huffington, Pete Hamill and Other Great Columnists (Marion Street Press). Sandring writes columns herself for The Boston Globe and The Patriot Ledger in Quincy, Massachusetts.

She's produced a solid "how to" guide, built on her own experience but heavily also on the advice of those in the book's title. I'm less interested in the who-these-people-are parts of the book than the how-things-are-done elements, but you can learn some useful tricks from what the experts say and, through samples, how they've mastered the craft.

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader for various institutions and corporations. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

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Sentence Adverbs -- The "Hopefully" Debate

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:28:59 -0400

Ideally, this article will shed some light on the subject.

By Meredith L. Dias

You have likely encountered the "hopefully" debate in your editorial travels. In one camp are the traditional grammarians, who advise against using "hopefully" as a sentence adverb; in the other camp are the modern grammarians, who assert that "hopefully" can function in such a capacity. So is one side correct and the other wrong? And what are sentence adverbs, anyway?

A sentence adverb, according to About.com grammar and composition guide Richard Nordquist, is "a word that modifies a sentence as a whole or a clause within a sentence." For example, consider this sentence: "Fortunately, the shampoo had a coconut scent." Without the sentence adverb, this would be a simple description of the shampoo's scent. However, the use of "fortunately" suggests that the speaker likes coconut scents. What you have just witnessed is a sentence adverb infusing an otherwise straightforward sentence with new subtext.

Many adjectives morph into sentence adverbs without controversy. We see adverbs like "obviously," "technically," and "actually" function quite often in this capacity. Few adverbs have faced as much scrutiny as "hopefully." Traditionally, the word means "in a hopeful manner"; however, it is used often in informal writing to denote the speaker's hopefulness about a given matter. Many are reluctant to accept "hopefully" in this context.

So why the controversy? Some grammarians fear that "hopefully" as a sentence adverb can obfuscate the meaning of a sentence. For example: "Hopefully, James will arrive on time." Does this mean that a hopeful James will arrive on time, or that the speaker is hopeful that he will arrive on time? Mignon Fogarty, known online as "Grammar Girl," weighed in on this issue in a 2007 podcast: "In most cases, the meaning is clear, especially when the sentence isn't about a person." She advises against using "hopefully" as a sentence adverb in sentences that involve a person (like the example above) to avoid confusion. Still, other grammarians shun "hopefully" as a sentence adverb altogether, citing the word's original meaning.

Thus, the debate continues. Do we adhere to tradition or change with the times? Though the original meaning of "hopefully" is clear, why can't it function as a sentence adverb? This is certainly not the first instance of grammatical microevolution that has faced staunch opposition from traditionalists. I suspect that for most editors -- myself included -- the instinct will be toward carrying the torch of tradition. However, Grammar Girl and some of her more modern contemporaries certainly make a compelling argument.

Meredith L. Dias is the research editor of Editors Only.

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Advice from the Competition

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:33:05 -0400

Useful tidbits taken from other publications invested in the art of writing.

By Peter P. Jacobi

I'm not sure how well this will go with my bosses here at Editors Only, but I'm going to share some useful tidbits garnered from publications that deal with matters of writing, publications that might be said to compete with this beloved newsletter of ours.

But my philosophy of learning is to read widely, and I admit to paying for subscriptions to other sources that can add to my trove of helpful examples and precepts.

Fact vs. Truth

For instance, there's The Writer's Chronicle, put out by the Association of Writers and Writing Programs. In its September 2008 issue, the month in which I am writing this column, I find a conversation with Scott Russell Sanders, the distinguished essayist and someone I'm privileged to know. Here's just one telling lesson in an interview bulging with them, his response to the question: how do you define or distinguish between "fact" and "truth?"

"Facts are data; truth is the sense we make of the data," Sanders says. "And the sense we make should always be open to revision, to new evidence, to further discovery. The writer of nonfiction has an obligation, I believe, to be faithful to the facts, so far as they can be known or reconstructed. Wherever possible, one should test one's memory against other sources -- journals, photographs, scholarly works, news accounts, the testimony of other people. At the same time, the writer of nonfiction has an obligation to search out the meaning of an experience, to interpret the facts."

Find Inspiration

In the July 2008 issue of The Writer, another always useful compendium of advice, Michele Acker, a science fiction and mystery writer, suggests we "Find a New Perspective" to keep ourselves fresh. Her article offers five steps toward renewed inspiration: get out of the rut, pay attention, learn new things, hang out, and travel. "Writing is a solitary business," argues Acker, "with little to stimulate our writer's brain. But it doesn't have to be," if we follow her counsel.

There's not much new in what she tells us, but the filler material under the above headings are useful reminders. Take the first follow-up paragraph after "Pay attention." Acker says: "You may think you already pay attention, but do you really? When was the last time you looked at a building's architecture, really looked? Do you know how old it is, how it was built, or who designed it? When was the last time you noticed the beggar on the corner, that abandoned lot across the street, or the way the sun shines through your bedroom window? You see those things so often that you barely notice them anymore. Start noticing again. You'll be surprised at what you see."

Details!

Quill, the magazine published by the Society of Professional Journalists, devotes a number of pages each issue to columns handed out to ever-changing writers. In the June/July 2008 issue, under the rubric "News Gems," Jon Marshall, a Chicago area-based writer and teacher, notes: "Stories come alive when readers feel like they're at the scene of the action." He proves the point with various samples, one by Jeanne Marie Laskas, taken from GQ magazine, about a landfill near Los Angeles. Marshall keys in on the use Laskas makes of nouns, in her case, meaning cogent details:

"This is a 100-million-ton solid soup of diapers, Doritos bags, phone books, shoes, carrots, watermelon rinds, boats, shredded tires, coats, stoves, couches, Biggie Fries, piled up right here off the 605 freeway. It's a place that brings to mind the hell of civilization, a heap of waste and ugliness and everything denial is designed for. We tend not to think about the fact that every time we toss out a moist towelette or an empty Splenda packet or a Little Debbie snack-cake wrapper, there are people involved, a whole chain of people charged with the preposterously complicated task of making that thing vanish -- which it never really does."

Describe

And that leads me to another such column, one from the May 2008 issue of the same publication," this on a "Words and Language" page filled by wisdoms from Paula Larocque, author of various books on writing. She deals with description, whose goal, she says, "is to replicate something clearly, briefly, and suggestively, so the reader sees and senses what the writer saw and sensed."

Larocque goes on: "Good description is fast, spare, specific, and showing. Poor description is slow, wordy, vague, and telling. That distinction between showing and telling is particularly important. Telling fails to create an immediate and vivid mental image; rather, it offers a conclusion, which readers may not accept because it's not their conclusion. Telling interprets, while showing creates a convincing picture."

An important reminder lesson, wouldn't you say?

3 Big Questions

Ragan Communications' monthly Corporate Writer and Editor contains, as does each issue, a "Back Talk" column by its co-editors, Mark Ragan and Jim Ylisela. Tackling the subject, "How to Write Something Someone Will Read," these two gentlemen urge their readers to ask themselves "three BIG questions every story needs to answer."

"Big Question No. 1," they write, is, "What's it about?"

"Really Huge Question No.2," they continue, is, "Why should anyone care?"

"Massive Question No. 3," they add, is, "How can I get your attention?"

These are precisely the right questions to ask ourselves as we sit down to write anything that we want our readers to read.

In support of their first question, Ragan and Ylisela, say: "Sounds obvious ... but how many stories have you read -- or written -- where you just weren't sure what they were supposed to be about?"

Of their second question, they reason: "If you can't tell me why someone in your audience should care, then why are you bothering?"

And concerning the third, they sagely follow with: "If you know your audience, then you should know the best way to reach them. That means figuring out the best medium for the story and then packaging it to get their attention."

Beware of Modifiers

The August 2008 Writer's Digest includes Bonnie Trenga's regular column, "The Sentence Sleuth," devoted on this occasion to "News of the Weird Modifiers, Reports of misplaced modifiers amuse and confuse readers."

"Pick a modifier -- any modifier -- and you can misplace it," Trenga argues. She provides numerous and often comic examples, then concludes: "You don't want readers to laugh at your sentence structure or to think you're imprecise. Misplaced introductory modifiers, like this one I found recently, can be hilarious: 'Growing from a pile of sticks and mud, we found several stands of large mushrooms.' How great would it be if people could grow from sticks and mud? If you're writing science fiction, go ahead and use that line. Otherwise, watch your grammar."

Less Is More

James Kilpatrick, in a recent outing for his syndicated "Writer's Art" column, addressed "the deployment of 'whether or not,'" this following a query from a reader: "Is the 'or not' always redundant?" Yes, answered Kilpatrick, it is "usually redundant, and, yes, redundancies are usually barnacles on the hull of sturdy prose -- but! The court looks upon the usual 'whether or not' as ... a benign redundancy. In many constructions the 'or not' is essential: 'I will marry Mr. Rassendale, whether or not you approve!' The first rule, as always, is to eliminate unnecessary words. The second rule is to remember that 'necessity' is defined by the pen of a careful writer."

Kilpatrick always contributes sound advice. I hope you can find his column where you are.

Editor's Involvement

Finally, in a recent issue of Creative Nonfiction, another source of guidance and exemplars, I found an interview with Michelle Wildgen, senior editor of the literary journal, Tin House. She was asked about the extent of her involvement in editing a work.

"I'm there to respond," she says, "not to generate words. I prefer to note my response and leave it to the writer to decide how to address the issue, though I might throw out some ideas. The purpose, then, is not to force my suggestions down his throat but to air out the underlying issue so he can decide what to do... I may go a few rounds with a writer on an issue we both feel strongly about, but I have to be aware of when I'm getting too invested in making a point rather than remembering that the writer should make the choice. In the end, his or her name is on the piece, not mine, and I try to remember that. Ultimately, it is up to the writer. They have to come through."

Of course, that depends on how proficient the writer is.

Thoughts for you to contemplate, taken from other publications invested in the art of writing.

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader for various institutions and corporations. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

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Book Review

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:32:25 -0400

Magazine Editing: How to Develop and Manage a Successful Publication, by John Morrish.

Magazine Editing explores the multi-faceted magazine editing profession--including "the role of the editor both as a journalist, having to provide information and entertainment for readers, and as a manager, expected to lead and supervise successfully the development of a magazine or periodical" (Amazon description). It is written by John Morrish.

The book helps would-be editors to enter the industry and existing editors to polish their skills. Chapter topics include:

--How magazines work
--Editorial strategy
--Leader and manager
--Money matters
--The right words
--Pictures and design
--Managing production
--Where the buck stops
--Becoming an editor

The book also explores the ethical aspects of magazine editing, with appendices containing the National Union of Journalists Code of Conduct and Press Complaints Commission Code of Practice. Figures throughout the book offer insight into budgeting, scheduling, and production.

Magazine Editing is published by Routledge (288 pages, paperback) and is in its second edition. It is available for $31.69 on the Editors Only "Books" page under the "Books on Editing" heading.

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A Writer's Manifesto

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 14:18:41 -0400

A set of specifics to strive for.

By Peter P. Jacobi

I left you last month with a dozen guises that we, as writers, can assume. Well, with all that we are, we accept burdens. We are required to take on obligations, responsibilities, duties toward our dear readers.

Therefore, I firmly believe we must pledge to carry out a manifesto, a writer's manifesto, a set of charges that we promise to strive for. A manifesto, quite simply, is a public declaration of intent. In our writer's manifesto, we should -- to return to my list -- vouch to be better adventurers, comforters, educators, enrichers, entertainers, friends, historians, links, magicians, preachers, story tellers, and visionaries by make as sure as we can to do what we do to the utmost of our individual abilities.

And, yes, I have specifics to be accomplished that fit every letter in the word MANIFESTO.

MANIFESTO

I pledge to supply the MEMORABLE; or if not the memorable, the MAJESTIC; or if not the majestic, the MYSTERIOUS; or if not the mysterious, the MISCHIEVOUS; or if not the mischievous, the MIRTHFUL or MERRY; or if not the mirthful or merry, the MELANCHOLY; or if not the melancholy, the MUSHY; or if not the mushy, the MUSICAL. I pledge MOOD.

MANIFESTO

From the M in Manifesto to the A: it is for being ACCURATE. We must be accurate. Readers must be able to trust us to give them the right information, and we must deserve that trust. To pass along errors is confusing, at best, and dangerous, at worst. Remember that our readers may use the information we pass along. It's got to be usable. It's got to be correct.

MANIFESTO

The N in Manifesto stands for the NEW, that which the reader will not have faced before, something original or different or creative or unexpected, something that perks attention because of what is being written about or how.

MANIFESTO

From "new" for the N, we move to the I: be IMAGINATIVE and INTERESTING; tweak the INQUISITIVE in the reader's nature. Stir the reader's imagination with your own.

MANIFESTO

The F in Manifesto stands for FACTUAL. Be factual, thoroughly researched, specific, detailed, richly informative -- whether in support of a work of non-fiction or fiction or poetry. It is facts, details that carry the day, that make good writing complete. No matter how well you write, if you haven't the specifics to support your language skills, you'll be cheating yourself and your reader.

MANIFESTO

The E in Manifesto means to be ENERGETIC: animated, dynamic, lively, fresh, spirited, and vigorous. It means writing with plenty of vitamins, the opposite of sluggish and tired and predictable. Cause your subject to jump from a two-dimensional page to three-dimensional status.

MANIFESTO

We come to Manifesto's S: Be SINGULAR. Be yourself as you write. Let your personality loose. Allow yourself to be unique. Bring your voice to the copy. Make it your own.

MANIFESTO

Manifesto's T leads us to writing that is TRANSPORTIVE: electrifying or elevating or entrancing or spellbinding, with language that, while always reflective of purpose and topic, is lofty, ebullient, soaring, uplifting, exciting, generous.

MANIFESTO

And so, we come to our final letter, the completion of our Manifesto to make ourselves worthy of being what we are: writers. The letter is O. Let it stand for being ORDERED, ORGANIZED, OBSERVANT of the rules (and disciplined).

As Anne Lamott has observed: "Writing is about hypnotizing yourself into believing in yourself, getting some work done, then unhypnotizing yourself and going over the material coldly. There will be many mistakes, many things to take out, and others that need to be added."

And Isaac Asimov reasoned: "Remember, what lasts in the reader's mind is not the phrase but the effect that the phrase created: laughter, tears, pain, joy. If the phrase is not affecting the reader, what is it doing there? Make it do its job or cut it without mercy or remorse."

I trust you're all ready to sign the manifesto, so that when you struggle and sweat over words, you deserve to do what you do.

I leave you with a final observation. The great Argentine poet and man of letters, Jorge Luis Borges, once wrote of a great artist who, when he grew old, decided to paint a vast mural of the entire universe. He painted the stars. He painted the birds. He painted the ocean and its monsters. He painted lovers self involved and mothers doting on their children and strong men glorying in their muscularity. He painted day after day after day after day until he no longer had the strength to continue. Facing death, he -- for the first time -- stepped back from his mural to see what he had created, to see the whole of it.

And what did he discover?

That he had painted a portrait of his own face.

That he had painted his own face! As in the artist's shapes, so in your words. The words are you. And isn't that a miracle, Descartes or otherwise?

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

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A Dozen Guises

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 14:53:10 -0400

What or who are we as writers?

By Peter P. Jacobi

Because I believe all of us who write for a livelihood need bucking up now and then, I do not hesitate giving space annually in this column to the substance of what I share with an auditorium full of writers in a keynote address given at the Chautauqua Institution each July.

The talk is meant to inspire and arouse thought, while also reminding the attendees of skills they need to apply in their work and/or responsibilities they have as professional communicators. Just as I feel what I say might help those at the conference, so I feel it might benefit you.

The talks themselves are filled with examples of good writing to prove my points. We haven't the space for all that, but even without the exemplars, the issues brought up should make an impression, or so I always hope.

Taking off this time from the thesis posed by the French philosopher Rene Descartes, "I think; therefore, I am," I moved his argument to: "I write; therefore, I am." Pressing on, I asked my listeners to then consider a next step: If I am, what, or who, am I? Here is some of what I said.

We are someones who feel compelled to "cover pages with tiny sentences," as former U.S. poet laureate Billy Collins put it. And why? Perhaps, as Anais Nin noted, "to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection." We do live twice, part of the world we three-dimensionally live in and part of the world we make materialize on paper.

And we are any number of possibilities and probabilities, guises and realities. Permit me to enumerate and expound on a few.

We Are Adventurers

As writer, I am -- you are -- an ADVENTURER. The unknown is our destination or the improbable. We're willing to explore, risk danger, take chances. We've the courage to let our imagination soar at will, to let our dreams guide us, to allow mental roaming and emotional free-wheeling and verbal spontaneity, to welcome experiment. We feel just fine trying what might not work or might turn outrageous. We are prepared to wander daredevilishly into uncharted territory, sensing that there might be victory in the quest.

We Are Comforters

Quite differently and yet just as pointedly, we are -- as writers -- a COMFORTER, someone who can assuage hurt and anguish, who smoothes edges when feelings get ruffled, who balances emotions when they threaten to teeter, who rubs balm on troubled senses, who ameliorates, relieves, relaxes, even heals, who chases away clouds, who transcends the issue or problem at hand and causes the aggrieved out there -- a reader -- to locate assistance or guidance of far broader application and implication than might have been asked or prayed for.

We Are Educators

Your proof of existence comes also as EDUCATOR, as teacher, and here -- as Henry Adams wrote in The Education of Henry Adams -- you have the opportunity to "affect eternity" because a teacher "can never tell where his influence stops." You are an instructor, a way-shower, an outlook changer, a knowledge enhancer, a wisdom shaper.

We Are Enrichers

And what else are you? An ENRICHER. As John Updike once explained: "My first thought about art, as a child, was that the artist [the writer] brings something into the world that didn't exist before, and he does it without destroying something else...That still seems to me its central magic, its core of joy." You enrich, improve, embellish, build, develop, endow, supplement, sweeten. You offer food for thought.

We Are Entertainers

Next, to further prove you exist, as writer: you're an ENTERTAINER, a captivator, beguiler, charmer, distracter, enlivener, amuser, stimulator, the tickler of ribs and heart and funny bone, the engrosser, the cajoler, the enticer.

We Are Friends

And we exist, most fortunately for lots of folks, because, as writers, we are a FRIEND. For someone we do not even know, for someone we are likely never to meet, we become a friend, someone to turn to, a helpmate, a soul-mate, someone to bond with, an at-distance companion. Our words, our expressed thoughts, become a most welcome glue, a connection that suggests to the reader, "I am not alone. That writer seems to know me, to understand me, to have the capacity to fulfill a need or want. In him or her, I have an advocate."

We Are Historians

What are we, as writers? We are also a HISTORIAN: that is chronicler, archivist, and documenter; that is authenticator and commemorator and analyst of the past, narrator and memoirist of bygone times, preserver of what was yesterday for readers of today and tomorrow.

We Are Links

Just as we are historians, looking backward, we, too, are a LINK: of individual to individual and group to group, town to town and nation to nation. We are the reporters, the news purveyors, the substance providers and animators of media, the town-criers, the journalists, the means -- when news is made -- by which it is sent forth and spread. Where one-on-one communication becomes impossible or inadequate, we become the necessary intermediaries. And as such, as link, you must well know, we exist. There'd be gobs of trouble if we didn't.

We Are Magicians

What else are we, as writers who exist? We are a MAGICIAN. Figment or fancy can be our product. If such is our aim, we conjure aura. We enchant. Perhaps the goal is to capture an actual moment or scene with such precision and/or glitter and/or shadowed sensuality that it accrues magic, in which case reality has been so sharpened as to gain something akin to the surreal. Our words may, on the other hand, be meant to bewitch by engendering a world beyond our own, imaginary or interplanetary. Either way, we have the power to do magic with words.

Need more proof about why we exist and what we are?

Maybe not, but I'll give you three more.

We Are Preachers

You're a PREACHER, an exhorter, a sermonizer, an evangelist for causes, a believer who believes a belief needs circulation. As preacher, you might take on the ways of a soap box orator, a shouter, a haranguer, a hell-fire admonisher. Your argument, however, can be made less tumultuously, more indirectly, more subtly, and yet with equal, even possibly greater, force through narrative and descriptive and expository techniques. They can be highly persuasive arguers.

We Are Story Tellers

As an existing writer, you also are a STORY TELLER. Do I need to define that? Readers love stories: as just stories, as explanation, as polemic, as metaphor. Readers love stories, fictional or non-fictional, that thrill or soften the heart or amuse or surprise. Barbara Tuchman advises: "I want the reader to turn the page and keep on turning to the end. This is accomplished only when the narrative moves steadily ahead, not when it comes to a weary standstill, overloaded with every item uncovered in the research."

We Are Visionaries

Which brings me to another proof of our existence: we can be a VISIONARY, dreamer, enthusiast, Don Quixote, as we see our topic in terms probably not contemplated by our readers. We can make them see in a different light, an altered way. Through a chosen perspective, we can make a subject larger or better or more important than common acceptance has previously made it. We can write of it so that the reader will never again think of the subject in quite the same way as before.

Now we should know what we are and how important we can be. Should we then also be reminded of what burdens these faces of the writer place on us? I think so, but about that next month.

Peter P. Jacobi is a Professor Emeritus at Indiana University. He is a writing and editing consultant for numerous associations and magazines, speech coach, and workshop leader. He can be reached at 812-334-0063.

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