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The Fog Index

Posted on Monday, March 30, 2015 at 11:37 AM

Clearing up the Fog in a ScientificAmerican.com excerpt.

This month's Fog excerpt comes from a March 17 ScientificAmerican.com article ("Memories May Not Live in Neurons' Synapses" by Roni Jacobson). Here's the sample text:

"As intangible as they may seem, memories have a firm biological basis. According to textbook neuroscience, they form when neighboring brain cells send chemical communications across the synapses, or junctions, that connect them. Each time a memory is recalled, the connection is reactivated and strengthened. The idea that synapses store memories has dominated neuroscience for more than a century, but a new study by scientists at the University of California, Los Angeles, may fundamentally upend it: instead memories may reside inside brain cells. If supported, the work could have major implications for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition marked by painfully vivid and intrusive memories."
--Word count: 108 words
--Average sentence length: 22 words (12, 21, 12, 38, 25 words)
--Words with 3+ syllables: 20 percent (22/108 words)
--Fog Index: (22+20)*.4 = 16 (no rounding)

We need to cut at least five points from the Fog score to land within the ideal range. The challenge here, of course, is that we're dealing with scientific text. We want to cut through Fog without dumbing it down too much. There's also not much we can do about the many instances of the longer word "memory," the article's subject. Let's see what we can do here.

"As intangible as they may seem, memories have a firm biological basis. According to textbook neuroscience, they form when neighboring brain cells send chemical messages across the synapses, or junctions, that connect them. Each time a memory is recalled, that junction is revived and strengthened. The idea that synapses store memories has ruled neuroscience for over a hundred years, but a new UCLA study may fundamentally upend it. Instead memories may reside inside brain cells. If supported, the work could affect future treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), an illness marked by painfully vivid and intrusive memories."

--Word count: 97 words
--Average sentence length: 16 words (12, 21, 12, 23, 7, 22 words)
--Words with 3+ syllables: 14 percent (14/97 words)
--Fog Index: (16+14)*.4 = 12 (no rounding)

We were able to cut the Fog score by 4 points, or 25 percecnt. This is a rare case where we weren't easily able to get a score below 12. We did reduce sentence length and longer words by a hefty 6 points each. In the end, though, we didn't want to replace words needlessly or disrupt flow in the name of shaving off an extra point or two.

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