Assessing the readability of a September 2011 Folio: magazine article.

This month, Editors Only calculates the Fog score of an excerpt from the September 2011 issue of Folio: magazine ("The Broader Role of Telemarketing," by Susan Campbell):

"The tools available to a sales team today to identify opportunities, turn opportunities into leads and leads into sales are extensive. Forward-thinking organizations leverage Customer Relationship Management (CRM) systems to capture information and create a powerful database to ensure advertisers enjoy a better experience and can focus on a more targeted audience. This centralized database can capture behaviors and actions across multiple platforms to create a snapshot of best target opportunities to generate the most qualified leads."

--Word count: 77
--Average sentence length: 26 words (21, 31, 25)
--Words with 3+ syllables: 30 percent (23/77 words)
--Fog Index: (26+30)*.4 = 22 (no rounding)

The average sentence length and percentage of longer words are both quite high in this sample. How can we cut the fog without clouding meaning?

We'll post our revision here next week. In the meantime, please try your hand at it, too. Use the "Add your comment" link below to submit your rewrite.

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